Destiny?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the different aspects of destiny or fate lately. I grew up learning that God is in control, He is sovereign, He has a plan for my life, etc., etc. All of which I’ve accepted whole-heartedly. It’s much easier to go about trusting that the universe is not spinning off its axis when crises hit, and I think I’m a stronger, more well-balanced person because I can take things in stride. I’m not really questioning this now, but what I am concerned with are two elements that are wrapped into this concept: whether things are “meant to be,” and whether I can be a victim of “bad timing.”

The whole issue of God’s will has seemed so rigid. When I’m not doing what God wants for me, I might as well be throwing my life down the drain. Lately I’m beginning to believe that there’s more flexibility in that. Perhaps what’s “meant to be” is more of a general purpose for my life, rather than daily rituals or simple choices. I truly believe in living as God intends – loving people, being kind, forgiving, being generous, being honest, living with integrity, reflecting His attributes. But all the in between stuff, like whether to rent this apartment or that one, or whether to date this person or that one, or whether or not to get a dog, I think those choices are truly mine to make. I want to live wisely, and I want to be ready and obedient to God’s direction in my life. The whole concept of “meant to be” bothers me because it limits my sense of free will. When I hear, “it’s just not meant to be,” or “it will work out if it’s meant to be,” I think it’s a cop out. It’s relinquishing control or giving up on something I just don’t want to deal with. Instead of taking responsibility and working for something, I blame the stars and wipe my hands of it.

I have the same reaction when I hear, “it’s just bad timing,” or “it will happen when the timing’s right.” I have certainly learned the importance of waiting for good things – or waiting out the disappointment for the good stuff to happen. I had a conversation the other night with a good friend about how if we had known each other the way we do now six or seven years ago, things between us would be different. He resigned that now it was too late. I think that’s fairly narrow-minded to think that simply because things don’t happen when they’re convenient, it’s a case of bad timing and thus all is lost. I think that so much of life is making our own timing. Granted, opportunities come and go, outside of my control, and I have to be able to recognize one when I see it, and take the chance to grab it. But if I don’t make things happen for myself, I’ll never get anywhere. So, I say to my friend, maybe our timing is yet to come – don’t rule it out yet simply because it’s not convenient right now. Maybe I’m overly optimistic, but that’s me – hope springs eternal.

I think one of the best decisions I made this past year was to quit working full-time at P.F. Changs. I didn’t have another job, but I cut back to one night a week, and began my search. I knew it wasn’t a good situation for me anymore – I was miserable. If I had waited until I found the perfect job before I left, I would still be there, hating my life. Maybe the timing wasn’t perfect, but I made a decision to do something. And it’s worked out beautifully.

Same thing with the State Department job; perhaps the timing wasn’t right for me to start a career in international diplomacy. But I’ve done everything I can to try and make it happen. I’ll never wonder if I could have or should have done more. It all fell so beautifully in to place in the beginning for it to fall devastatingly apart, but I didn’t give up. I made choices anticipating that it was going to work out, which all led me to where I am now. This aspect of God’s plan/fate/destiny I don’t doubt. And I know that by acting on faith, instead of simply sitting on my thumbs, waiting for “the plan” to drop into my lap, I’m living God’s will.

Perhaps things are or aren’t “meant to be,” and maybe I can be a victim of “bad timing.” But I refuse to believe that there’s nothing I can do about that.