Lead with the Heart

At what point do we learn that love is something dangerous, serious, something to be feared?

Sunday is my yoga day. You know by now how important this practice has become to me lately. After missing nearly two weeks of consistent practice and training I became this bottle of negative emotion. In spite of the fact that everything seems to be falling into place for the first time in my adult life I was angry, resentful, irritable. I made any mishap or misunderstanding an excuse to feel bitter toward someone. That's not me. That's not how I want to live my life. Finally, on Thursday, I returned to the mat for a less-than-inspiring yoga class. But the difference of just going through the motions and focusing in on my breath, my body, letting my mind and heart go; on Friday, I was a new woman. I briefly realized how detrimental it is not to allow myself the time I need to balance and be introspective.

I spend a lot of time in my head, but not often in a very productive way. I get caught up in the what-ifs and what-nots and let the stress seep in.

This morning's yoga class was quite a blessing. Allison always chooses a theme on Sunday mornings. Today was "stress." So we spent the first few minutes of class talking about focusing on what I need to do in the here and now to make something work - not letting all the next steps and concerns about the final outcome overwhelm me. I set my intention for the day (another powerful tool I'm learning - but deserves a discussion all its own) - I wanted to feel quiet strength. Whenever I felt myself getting discouraged or my body giving in, I reminded myself to quiet down, relax, and be strong in the moment. The key to maintaining most of the poses is leading with the heart. Pushing it through and opening it, putting the rest of the body in balance, in place.

After yoga on Sundays I always refresh myself with some quiet time. A few weeks ago it was as simple as walking home from class and I had a realization that God is constantly uttering love to me. It's everywhere.

I want to digress for a moment, just to make a point. A couple weeks ago my brother and one of his friends spent a week backpacking in Utah. As you can imagine, I was sick with envy. They had a wonderful time and returned feeling rejuvenated and thoroughly blessed. My brother shared a story where he had broken his sunglasses and within half an hour found a new pair of sunglasses on the ground, in perfect condition, like they had been placed there just for him. They hiked along, looking for an owner but never found anyone sans-sunglasses. So Philip took it as a gift. The point is, when you are looking for blessings in everything, everything becomes a blessing.

So I ventured up into the foothills this afternoon to clear my head and receive any blessings I could find. At the start of my hike I was frustrated by this question of why are people so resistant of love? It struck me, God must feel deeply frustrated by my resistance of His great love for me. And infinitely more frustrated than I can feel because He has infinitely more love to give, and a love much deeper, richer, more powerful. So I set my intention for my afternoon, to simply receive God's love, accept His blessings. I took every plant, tree, fly, grasshopper, flower, stone, breeze as an expression of love. I soaked it in, let it wash over me. When I reached the pinnacle of my hike, overlooking the continental divide, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, but not satisfied. I wanted more. I wanted to touch those mountains, experience them deeper, I wanted to consume and be consumed by all that was around me. So I lingered as long as I could, relishing the beauty of the day.

When I emerged from the woods and hopped back in my car to head to work I returned to my orginal question of why people are so resistant toward love? When did it become scary? Somewhere along our journey our broken, abused hearts forget the most natural and basic of exchanges: the giving and receiving of love. So how do I lead with the heart to maintain stability and balance? How can I allow myself to be open to giving and receiving love in spite of the fact that my heart doesn't even function that way anymore? The only answer I can find is that it starts with letting those little everywhere blessings fill my heart and put life into it again.

Then the next step then, is making those blessings real to the people I come in contact with. Talk about setting an intention!