Cath. . .

I'm terrified of reaching a point in my life where I have to settle for something less than what I really want because I believe all my options have been lost.

How do you maintain hope in the face of devastating loss and seemingly endless darkness?

I like to believe that I am a fighter. I keep faith in the things I think I deserve, and the things I know I want. But what about all those elements that are so far outside my control but deeply effect my life? I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness; when it feels like there isn't any point in continuing on a certain path because all sight of a happy ending is lost. I also know those fleeting times of perfect bliss, when I can almost taste the culmination of my efforts.

I want so much out of life. Sometimes I feel like time is slipping through my fingers and all my moments of perfection are gone in a whisper. I get so frustrated and discouraged by the temporal nature of happiness. Don't get me wrong, things are so good for me right now that I feel guilty even thinking about this.

I think what's eating me, in spite of all the goodness in my life, is that I want to know that I'm living my OWN dreams. I'm terrified of closing the door on so many things that would have brought me joy by pursuing something not meant for me.

I'm just going to lay it all out there. . .I think I'm falling in love. I want so badly for it to be right, because he's too important for it to be wrong.