It's a quiet, cold day in Denver. Schools are closed across the state and those of us who don't have to brave the icy roads to get to work and turn the money wheel, are restricting ourselves to the indoors. There is talk that it's actually colder in Denver than in Antarctica today; I don't want to know what people are saying in Chicago.
Today may very well be may last day of part-time freedom. So I'm enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend at a local coffee shop just down the street from my apartment. Tomorrow I may very likely be returning to Dill and Dill full time. After five months of alternative employment, I'm struggling with the thought of going back to a place that made me so miserable. Why am I willingly returning? Really, it's a job. It pays my bills. It's not even remotely satisfying, and most days it's downright infuriating. But the thought of a full-on job hunt right now is even more discouraging than returning to a full paying job that I hate.
Maybe I'm making excuses, but with the plan to move to the Middle East to teach English with Jim looming just around the corner, it's hard for me to pursue something new. While I'm afraid of not being able to find a job at all, I'm really afraid of finding a job I love and then having to leave it in 6 or 8 months. Maybe the problem is that I don't really know what I want to do. It all seemed so simple and straight-forward when I was in college. Then I went to grad school, moved to Colorado, and things became complicated. I don't think it's so much about "finding myself," but finding work that I love. I'm quite envious of people who have jobs and careers that they care about, that they can dedicate themselves too. I want that. Perhaps I want purpose. Perhaps I need to find purpose outside of work. Perhaps I need to realize that my worth is not only related to what I do for work.
Today may very well be may last day of part-time freedom. So I'm enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend at a local coffee shop just down the street from my apartment. Tomorrow I may very likely be returning to Dill and Dill full time. After five months of alternative employment, I'm struggling with the thought of going back to a place that made me so miserable. Why am I willingly returning? Really, it's a job. It pays my bills. It's not even remotely satisfying, and most days it's downright infuriating. But the thought of a full-on job hunt right now is even more discouraging than returning to a full paying job that I hate.
Maybe I'm making excuses, but with the plan to move to the Middle East to teach English with Jim looming just around the corner, it's hard for me to pursue something new. While I'm afraid of not being able to find a job at all, I'm really afraid of finding a job I love and then having to leave it in 6 or 8 months. Maybe the problem is that I don't really know what I want to do. It all seemed so simple and straight-forward when I was in college. Then I went to grad school, moved to Colorado, and things became complicated. I don't think it's so much about "finding myself," but finding work that I love. I'm quite envious of people who have jobs and careers that they care about, that they can dedicate themselves too. I want that. Perhaps I want purpose. Perhaps I need to find purpose outside of work. Perhaps I need to realize that my worth is not only related to what I do for work.
