All I Need

I've filled the majority of my time this past week or so listening to the Radiohead CD, In Rainbows. I feel compelled to write about because I feel like truth is revealed to me in music more than in other art forms. One of the reasons I love Radiohead is the same reason I love U2; they communicate profound ideas in simple, even gritty, terms. One song on the album has been especially meaningful to me, All I Need. I posted the lyrics below:

I'm the next act

Waiting in the wings

I'm an animal

Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days

That you choose to ignore

You are all I need

You're all I need

I'm in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

I am a moth

Who just wants to share your light

I'm an insect

Trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you

Because there are no others

You are all I need

You're all I need

I'm in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong

It's all right

What I love about this song, other than the haunting and beautiful melody, is that I think everyone has experienced this. When I first started listening I was confused and even angry that the singer longed for someone who treated him so badly. Then there's that line of truth: "I only stick with you, because there are no others." Aha! So he's not satisfied, he's settling. But the more I listened, the more I began to understand that I've been in similar situations, but stuck around because I felt like I NEEDED this person or thing to breathe, to continue, to exist. Sometimes I was willing to sit in the hot car and wait for them/it to come back, because at least they had an animal in the first place, so that must mean something. Or I was willing to play second fiddle or be the follow-up to their performance, because even if I wasn't headlining, at least I was getting to be on stage at all. And just sharing some of their light was enough to keep me satisfied because I was around someone who radiated. There I am, right in the middle of the picture, but I'm so small, so inconsequential, that I'm hidden by the landscape.

I think we've all felt that way. It's one of those universal experiences and we decide, "it's all wrong, but it's all right."

I don't have a plan of action or a word of wisdom on how to get out from under this type of relationship. I just think it's interesting that we are all attracted to something or someone who is bigger than ourselves. We do crazy things to give life greater meaning, whether it be pursuing someone who seems to have it all, hoping they'll share a little piece, or participating in something that might lead to greater fulfillment. I think it speaks to our desire to be valued. We want someone to notice our worth, even if it's because we are associated with someone or something. All I need is not this person or thing, but all I need is to be valued, even if by means of association.