Rollercoaster

After a perfectly wonderful weekend, nothing is more of a let down than walking back through the front doors of the office and sitting down under blaring flourescent lights in front of a computer screen to do a job that doesn't fill my forty-hour week and doesn't come close to filling my brain activity quota for an hour.


Last night I was more than content, almost giddy. I had a perfectly wonderful and satisfying weekend. I saw friends I hadn't seen in a while (twelve years), went for a good run with my favorite running buddy, went out with my brother and some friends, went to the Broncos Game with Casey (even though they lost, the company couldn't have been better), and spent an hour on the phone with Ivy engaged in our on-going conversation about the newest men in our lives.


Monday mornings are all about reawakening to a cruel reality: bills to pay that I can't really afford, an empty refrigerator, a sink full of dirty dishes, a pile of laundry to fold and put away, sheets to change, clothes to iron, cat litter to clean, etc., etc. To top it off, I'm running the Denver Marathon on Sunday, and pre-race anxiety is setting in early. I think it's the combination of training harder this time, feeling more pressure to perform well than I did in the first race, and that my family may actually turn out to watch me in the least spectator-friendly sport ever.

Regardless of all the good things going on in my personal life, my work life is at a stand-still. I'm fairly happy with where I am. I have a job, first of all. Steady income is a true blessing these days. I like my co-workers, most of the time. The liquor licensing work is less than stimulating, even though I do interact with quite a few characters. I took the job knowing it was something I could do for only a couple years. But lately, I've been vividly reminded that there really isn't any potential for promotion, or even much of a pay increase. It's increasingly frustrating to see the attorneys I work for bill $125/hour for my work (in addition to the $350 they bill for their own time), and I never see a dime of that. No matter how much I do (and how little they do) on a case, I still make the same hourly wage. Just last week, one of them had the nerve to complain about only earning $90,000 for that MONTH. That's almost more than I'll make in TWO YEARS after taxes.

So, rather than complaining about it, I started looking for college level teaching jobs today. I previously held a position at Rivendell College, so I sent a friendly inquiry into whether they will have an opportunity for me in the Spring. I also starting preparing an application and updating my Vita to apply for a part-time faculty position at a local community college. It makes me really happy to think about getting back into academia. I miss it. I fully plan to go back to school to get my Ph.D. and then take a University job. But right now, I believe that I am right where I am supposed to be. I don't quite feel the freedom to pick up and move right now. In fact, I've actually considered looking into some Colorado schools instead of going out of state. School has always been a way for me to escape my current circumstances, but I don't feel that same itch in my feet to leave again right now (other than the usual "I need an adventure" itch - but that's a given).

It must be a sign of growing up; wanting to stay in one place. It's a new sensation for me, and I'm not sure if I like it. Responsibility and settling down sounds so boring. The last thing I ever want to be is boring.