US West National Parks Road Trip Plans

Dream summer vacation of 2011:

Day 1: Leave Denver, drive to Jackson Hole, WY (approximately 530 miles/9 hours). Stop in Laramie for Lunch. Dinner at Snake River Brewery. Stay overnight at Jackson Hole area hotel. Eat breakfast at The Bunnery.

Day 2: Drive/Hike Grand Tetons National Park - Jenny Lake Area Hiking. Camp overnight.

Day 3: Hike Grand Tetons National Park. Camp overnight.

Day 4: Leave Grand Tetons for Yellowstone National Park (approximately 100 miles/2 hours). Drive/Hike Yellowstone National Park. Camp overnight.

Day 5: Hiking in Yellowstone. Camp overnight. Possible backcountry hiking/camping.

Day 6: Hiking in Yellowstone. Camp overnight or stay at Mammoth Hot Springs Hotel.

Day 7: Hiking in Yellowstone/Leave for Bozeman, MT (approximately 290 miles/5 hours). Camp overnight in Bozeman area campground.

Day 8: Leave Bozeman for Kalispell, MT (approximately 300 miles/5.5 hours). Lunch in Helena (Blackfoot River Brewing). Stay overnight at Kalispell area campground.

Day 9: Leave Kalispell for Glacier National Park (approximately 60 miles/1.5 hours). Drive/Hike Glacier National Park. Going-to-the-Sun Road. Camp overnight in the park.

Day 10: Drive/Hike Glacier National Park. Camp overnight in the park.

Day 11: Hike Glacier National Park. Waterton Lakes National Park of Canada. Camp overnight in the park.

Day 12: Leave Glacier National Park for Bob Marshall Wilderness Complex (approximately 150 miles/3.5 hours) - Hike in Holland Lake area. Camp overnight at Cave Mountain Campground.

Day 13: Leave the Bob for Billings, MT (approximately 400 miles/6 hours). Stay overnight in Billings area hotel.

Day 14: Leave Billings for Little Big Horn Battlefield National Monument (approximately 63 miles/1 hour). Leave for Devil's Tower National Monument (approximately 200 miles/3 hours). Leave for Denver (approximately 400 miles/7 hours). Home!

I'm currently research local breweries along the route - apparently Montana has quite a few. If there's a promise for lots of beer, Jim will be more excited about driving 2,300+ miles in two weeks. We got a National Parks Annual Pass as a wedding gift; we're sure to get some good use out of it on this trip! I'll probably update this itinerary with more details as I continue to research the Parks and cities along the way.

Now we just need to find the two-weeks of vacation time to do this, and a couple really good audio books.

New Adventures and Old Hang-ups

Today is probably not the best day to re-introduce myself to the blogosphere after several months of silence; but it's about time to provide an update.

I've recently started a new part-time contracting job working on Health Care Reform for the State of Colorado. I'm totally excited about it, and a little intimidated. After two weeks since our first meeting, I'm feeling in-over-my-head and nothing less than completely lost on some of the current policy on the issue. I don't doubt that I'm not alone in my confusion, but as I'm the person responsible for making complete sense of a 2000 + page piece of legislation, I'm not in a good position. We have our next meeting tomorrow, and I'm expected to provide a chart outlining the differences between new Federal law and existing Colorado law on several specific issues that will take effect on September 23. It's reminiscent of being back in grad school and being completely unprepared for the professor who takes no prisoners. Only this time, it's my salary, my reputation, and my potential future as a free-lance policy analyst at stake. I've been hydrating all day to prepare for the high volume of Rockstar Juiced that will be promptly consumed this evening to assist in the cramming that must occur.

To add to the threat of impending humiliation, my new computer, bought just one (1) week ago, is seemingly infected with about 11 million viruses. Coincidentally, the only operation the computer can successfully complete is to open the HP Website that allows me to purchase and download Virus Protection Software. It struck me as odd that while the desktop was incessantly producing Error Messages warning that a critical virus designed to read every key stroke and steal all passwords was wrecking havoc on my hard drive, the website still provided the option of typing in a credit card number. I've serendipitously been reminded at this moment of the scene from Office Space where the disgruntled employees take a baseball bat to the copy machine. Perhaps a reenactment is in order. I've also been tempted to attempt to determine the the explosive capacity of this particular technology, ala Dave Letterman. The roof-top patio of my apartment building seems a perfect stage for such an experiment.

There are really good things happening right now too though. I'm getting married in 60 days. That's exciting; the getting married part - not so much the wedding part. However, I do have a fabulous dress and, as confirmed just last Thursday, it does, indeed, fit. Jim and I also just started are pre-marriage counseling. It's not the traditional counseling, but, instead, we are participating in "Prayer Therapy." I think we're both really excited about seeing what God does in our lives and our relationship in the next two months. It's already challenging, but I am confident it will significantly prepare us for the new life we'll share together.

So, that's my world today. Hope yours is wonderful.

Out of the Shadows

The last few weeks have been a struggle for me. I'm overwhelmed and generally frustrated with my current circumstances. This is not a new struggle for me. I go through these spells of feeling hopeless about my future.I begin to believe that I should just resign myself to not even trying to accomplish anything. In the past, my strategy for getting myself out of these slumps has been to find an activity or goal I'm excited to do, then start taking steps to accomplish it. This Spring I committed myself to running four exciting races. My training has all but fallen apart, and I can't muster the energy to even care. Perhaps I over-committed and now I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I've recently begun to experience this new affront to my character at work and in my personal activities that has been discouraging as well. My immediate reaction is to get out, get away from these messages that inflict self-doubt. I know I'm a hard worker. I know I have integrity. I know I'm honest and that I genuinely care for people. So how am I being confused as someone who lacks all of these qualities? In the past two months I've been accused of dishonesty, gossip, slander, laziness, irresponsibility, disrespect, and hypocrisy. It's baffling to me, and incredibly frustrating. There are a few steady voices in my life, for whom I am thankful, but when the majority seems to perceive me in such a negative light, it's hard to continue ignoring them. By backing out or stepping away, and I being a coward and failing to defend my character? Is it even worth the energy to try and change their perception of me? My self-confidence is waning.

The biggest disappointment this week has been that Jim and I are postponing our plans to move overseas. He needs to stay where he is for a while longer to complete the school accreditation process. Which means I either 1) begin searching for a new job, or 2) suck it up and stick it out until he's ready to move. Right now the prospect continuing to do what I'm doing now indefinitely is depressing. The idea of beginning a job search in the current economy is also depressing, especially since I don't even know what I'm looking for. I don't want to keep working as a paralegal (being an office peon is not my idea of a good career), and I'm not trained to do much else. I'm a trained thinker; and that doesn't bring in much of a salary without further education.

I always come back to academia. Perhaps it's something I need to actually pursue instead of just mulling it over. After the wedding my living expenses may decrease enough to only work part time. That would open up my schedule for classes. This might be the ray of light I've been needing to get out of this shadow of self-doubt.

Light at the end of the tunnel

As we're planning our wedding, Jim and I have begun to talk more seriously about what we want to do with our life together; where we want to go/live/work, and what we hope to accomplish. The one constant desire (as we're both "ideas" people) is to move overseas. Other than family, friends, and the abundance of biking/hiking trails, there isn't much keeping us in Denver. While those are all very important, the forty plus hours we spend every week being frustrated and beat-down out weigh the short weekends we have to enjoy them. And while neither of us are very interested in having lots of money, there is something to be said for having enough to put a down-payment on a house and pay the bills on time. Neither of us are in the position where there's potential for  upward mobility. 

When I joined the Army almost 6 years ago I saw it as an opportunity to change my circumstances. The possibility of spending time overseas was high at the time and it sated my desire for adventure. I've learned a lot from my experience in the military. In February my original 6-year contract will end and I have to decide whether it will continue to provide opportunities, or inhibit my plans with Jim. As a single woman, it opened up doors of potential. Once Jim and I are married, it makes moving to another country more difficult as I would have an obligation to continue serving two days every month and two weeks every year.

If Jim can land a teaching job overseas, then obviously, I'll go with him. Since there's not much left for us to do here, it might be time to move on to the next chapter. 

I won't be sad to leave my job, but I will miss Denver and all the great friends I've made here. I don't doubt for a second that we'll move back. I'm excited about this new adventure. I've always longed to see more of the world, and I finally have someone to enjoy it with.

Cowards

I work for a group of dishonorable, cowardly men. I know that's the stereotype for most attorneys, and I have to confirm that I have met very few that don't surpass the expectation for corruption that is commonly held. I took the job when I was considering going to law school to become an attorney. I know now that it is a profession fraught with despicable men.

To you attorneys out there who are actually working to improve the state of justice in America and around the world. I applaud you and hope that your practices flourish. For the rest who have hijacked the legal system, holding us all hostage, and contort laws and semantics for personal gain, I hope you reach the end of your life, eating off your silver spoons and realize that your work was wasted. I pity you for investing your short lives in something so ultimately meaningless and destructive. You're no better than a common thief.

The Ultimate Summer Vacation

Day 1: Leave at 5PM and drive to Buena Vista (1.5 hour drive) – arrive by 6:30/7:00 PM

          Camp

Day 2: Climb Mount Antero (~ 5 hours)

           Swim/Fish in Arkansas River

           Leave for Durango (4 hour drive)

           Camp

Day 3: Catch narrow gauge train from Durango at 9:00 AM

           Arrive at Needletop Station at 11:30 AM

           Hike to Chicago Basin (6.5 miles/3 hrs)

           Camp

Day 4:  Climb Sunlight and Windom Peaks (~6 hrs)

           Camp

Day 5: Climb Mount Eolus (~4 hours)

           Hike to Needletop Station to catch train at 3:00 PM (leave before noon)

           Arrive in Durango by 5:00 PM

           Stay in hotel

Day 6: Leave for Mesa Verde (1.5 hour drive)

           Camp

Day 7: Leave for Royal Gorge (6 hour drive) – Park closes at 7:00 PM

           Leave for Home (2.5 hour drive)

Jim gets one week off between terms, and we've never taken full advantage of this break. The summer is too short and Colorado is too big not too spend one week exploring.

Helpless

There is nothing more frustrating than being in the middle of a disaster and being completely helpless to stop it. It would be an understatement to say that I am upset about the catastrophic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It makes me physically ill. I have nightmares about it. Maybe I shouldn't let it affect me personally to such an extent, but being affected is appropriate and human. Remaining ignorant and silent on matters such as these is cowardly, to say the least.

We have become way too comfortable in our isolation. We have become weak in our boundless pursuit of individualism. In our shameless pursuit of personal comfort and "happiness" we have become hardened to anything that does not have a direct effect on our personal lives. We may feel a twinge of guilt or pity when we remotely observe disaster, but rarely do we take action to incite change.

America was once known as a revolutionary nation. A nation of pioneers, bound by our common struggle for a place in the world. We have become complacent in our global leadership; cautious, cowardly. We are afraid of making any move that would cause an offense or step on a toe. Hurt feelings will fade, bruised toes will heal. We will never be able to amend for our omission of just and proper action.

We have a responsibility to each other, and to the planet on which we live. In our selfishness we have neglected that responsibility.

In many ways, today, I hope the world ends on December 12, 2012. That may be the only end to the misery we are creating for ourselves.

Taking Action

Last night at family dinner (celebrating Allison's graduation from CU), her boyfriend made the comment that he's tired of "hoping" for things to happen, and wants to start taking action to make things happen. 

I've been struck with this notion lately too. 

Today, I'm taking action. 

The AIR Foundation has been operating without tax exempt status for 3 years. It's time for that to change. A non-profit is absolutely limited in what it can accomplish without 501(c)(3) status. I arranged a meeting with a volunteer who has her MA in Non-Profit Management to help me get this knocked out. I printed out the instructions, completed much of the application, supplemented by writings/narratives completed last summer when we started this process, and began scouring the Colorado Non-Profit Association website for tips and advice.

I've been more than frustrated with my job lately. In the midst of my research, I began casually browsing the job board. About three quarters of the way down the page, I randomly clicked on a entry and read the description. It might as well have my name on it!

Please pray (and hope) for me as I take action to get this job!

The Precipice

"There are dreamers and there are achievers, the difference between the two is action."

I'm struggling lately to remember that I can't control other people's behavior. I have to take action on things I can control myself and not grow frustrated when other people's irresponsibility affects my life. I want to achieve things with my life, not just dream about them. It's tough being at the bottom of the totem pole and those in a higher position aren't taking the necessary action to make progress - then I get stuck.

In pretty much everything I'm doing right now, someone else is making choices that are poor, childish, egotistical and counter-productive, but I can't stop them, and I can't make them act any differently. Even if I thought my opinion mattered, how do I even approach this type of conversation with them? Is it more prudent just to keep my head down, stay out of the way, and hope the demolition ends before everything is in trash heaps? Is it wise for me to stay quiet when I know someone is doing irreparable damage by continuing to conduct business according to their status quo? What's my level of responsibility?

At the beginning of the year, I was so hopeful that 2010 would bring dramatic changes for me. I've been working to that end, but keep hitting road blocks created by other people who claim to be working toward the same end.  I keep trying to remind myself that regardless of in inability to act, God is still sovereign. I may not have control over certain things, but I have to trust that he does, and he is working all things out for his glory and my better good. I never quite see the big picture, but this time I'm trying to step away from the edge, and just keep doing what I can to make progress in the direction I think I'm supposed to go.

On the Mend

This last month I've been joyously and overwhelmingly busy. For a few weeks I was running two or three times a day, four or five days a week. I was in meetings before work, after work, during lunch, and on the weekends. I send out thousands of e-mails every week, reply to at least six dozen requests for information every week, field several phone calls a day, and make at least half-a-dozen calls myself, none of it for my actual bill-paying job.

When I fell last week and busted my knees I had a hard time swallowing the fact that I'll probably be off my legs for two weeks, and certainly not running for maybe three - then I'll have to take it easy after that. Not only does that put my personal training way behind, but my coaching/training with the AIR Foundation Team also has to change.

Usually on Sundays I swim for an hour before my long run with the Team. This week I didn't swim, I didn't run, I drove my car around while the guys ran their longest distance yet (2 hours) and poured cups of water, peeled bananas, and fed them Clif bars. I was happy to be part of the training even though I couldn't run (and, I admit, I wasn't too jealous of them running in the cold, snowy weather while I sat in my heated car and listened to Devotchka and Hello Kavita). I didn't really miss my 5:45 AM runs on Monday and Thursday, and I'm pretty sure I won't be too heartbroken when I sit on a wall and blow a whistle while the team runs laps at City Park tomorrow night. The real beautiful part of being "in recovery" is that for the first time since December, I had a night off last night. I didn't have anywhere to go or anyone to see. I didn't even reply to a single e-mail on my BlackBerry. Instead, I had dinner with the boyfriend and played a sweet game of poker, coming in fourth overall. This morning I slept until 8:30, no breakfast meetings, no e-mail alerts at 7 AM, no phone calls or text messages. I'm not saying that I want this slack in activity to become permanent. It's the fact that I've been so busy that makes these easy weeks so enjoyable.

I do hope that in the coming months I won't have to split my focus so much between job, volunteering, and personal life. I'm still hoping that by July I'll be able to work only part-time with D&D, and be getting something of a paycheck with The AIR Foundation. By October, I hope to be full-time with AIR. Fundraising is still slow, but we're seeing a boom of volunteer activity. I have to believe I'm doing something right. I also have to trust that God is in control of this as well.

Over the last few years here in Colorado I've really struggled with my career path, understanding where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to utilize my gifts, talents and interests in a meaningful way. I've struggled with major disappointment, mild depression and anxiety, and generally feeling stuck. For the first time since I moved here, I really feel like I've got a good thing going for myself, career wise. While I understand that non-profit work is volatile, especially in this market, I remind myself to "be strong and courageous." I trust that what I'm doing is good and right. It makes me happy, puts me at peace. Looking back, things haven't always (ever) made sense, but my vision is starting to clear a bit and I am beginning to, once again, move with purpose, move forward - well today it's more like a hobble, but it's still forward progress.

Internal Drive

As I mentioned in my 2009 wrap-up post, one aspect of my character that I really want to develop this year is an internal drive to succeed at all costs. What I mean by that is I want to overcome obstacles and challenges to accomplish my goals regardless of how I "feel" about the situation. Today is a perfect example of how not to do this.

I have known ever since college that my typical stress reaction is to ignore the problem until the very last possible second and then rush around to try salvage whatever I can to present something passable. I've always been really good at "winging it" and I don't know if that's an outcome of my coping strategy or an excuse for continuing this behavior. At work I have a project that's been sitting on my desk since September. The deadline is Friday. Well really, the deadline was December 21, but I kept convincing myself that I could make it work with a little less time. Now, here I am hopelessly behind schedule, and I am absolutely paralyzed when it comes to this project. It's become this huge mental block. Ideally I would stop looking at Facebook, replying to e-mails, chit-chatting with co-workers, and doing every other possible thing besides work on this project, and just finish it and get it off my desk. Okay, ideally, I would have finished it two weeks ago and not allowed it to become such a major issue.

The real problem is that this is common practice for me. I used to think that it meant I had a poor work ethic. But when I'm really dedicated to something, I work really hard. I think what I lack here is discipline to complete a job that I don't feel like doing. This gets back to the original point about internal drive. I need someone pushing me along, checking in on me, keeping me accountable. It's a fairly immature way to operate and I won't stay in any job long if I require so much supervision. I've faked it long enough. I don't think I can continue to pretend I'm working when I'm really not. I'll get caught sometime. That's not succeeding at all, let alone at all costs.

So here I am, huge project in front of, testing my new year's resolution already. I always say that I have to make the choice everyday to be more like the person I want to be. This is my choice today. It might be too late already; I have to try to succeed at all costs.

But first I will have lunch . . .