Embarrasing Story of the Day

If you've been keeping up with your reading, you know that I went out with a guy almost two weeks ago. I haven't heard much from him since so I've started to wonder what I did wrong or what's wrong with him, etc. He was scheduled to do system maintenance on the computer network at the law firm where I work today. So I did what all girls do when she sees a guy she likes but feels rejected by: look hot and act cool.

After class this morning I rushed home to get ready for "work." I put on a pot of coffee before I jumped in the shower. Mind you I gave up coffee at the beginning of the year and haven't had more than half a cup or so since. Once I had washed, shaved, plucked, styled, dried, moisturized, fluffed and primped as much as time permitted, I gulped my four cups of coffee (now just warm after sitting for 30 minutes), changed shirts twice, and dashed out the door.

About half-way to work I remembered why I gave up coffee. While I may try to convince everyone that it was for health reasons, really it's about vanity; coffee makes me sweat profusely.

I got to work, settled in to my desk and went through my daily routine, only much faster than usual and with trembling hands. The coffee jitters were setting in, the moisture under my arms was increasing and I had another realization: in all my grooming and fussing I had forgotten to put on deodorant.

Forty-five minutes later, I'm sweating like a 300 pound man in a polyester jumpsuit, and I'm pretty sure I smell like on too. I excused myself to the ladies room and once I'm in the safety of a locked stall, I pulled off my sweater, fanned my armpits and tried to soak up the excess moisture off my sweater with toilet paper. Once dressed I returned to my desk and tried to calm myself down.

No less than five minutes later, he walked in. "Hi," I said in the most even tone I could muster, just briefly looking up from my computer screen.

"Hey there," he said, leaning over me. "How are you?"

"Fine, how are you?" I looked into his face, and as I spoke I reached up to push back my hair, revealing a still-wet armpit with toilet paper stuck to my sweater.

I still haven't gotten that second date.