The Hurdle

If you know me, or even if you've just read this blog occasionally over the last couple years, you know a little bit about my struggle to get my dream job. After having all but completely given up on it, I'm making another run for it.

In April 2005, I took and passed the Foreign Service Office Test and was extended an invitation to the Oral Assessment the following spring. I completed and passed that, and was added to the list of eligible candidates. I counted myself blessed and rejoiced in the fact that within a few short months I would be doing exactly what I was created to do - a rare gift that I know not everyone experiences. God had other plans (and doesn't he always?).

I have always been healthy. I've never had headaches or asthma or severe allergies or sinus problems, broken bones remain unknown to me, I had the chicken pox for a week when I was 10 and that was the sickest I think I've ever been in my whole life. And it was also an awesome week because I watched every single episode of I Love Lucy that my mom could find on VHS.

After the Oral Assessment, candidates for the Foreign Service must complete a background check, medical  clearance and security clearance. Background check was no problem and I was awarded my State Department Security Clearance before my DOD clearance which had been initiated 6 months prior. The hiccup was in my medical clearance. Before I left for Fort Jackson the summer of 2006 to finish AIT for the Army, I completed the standard physical, including all required blood work. My white blood cell counts were off, but by the time the anomoly had been discovered, I was happily sweating my ass off in training with no opportunity to repeat the tests.

I moved to Colorado in September, expecting to live with my parents until January, when I was certain I would be shipping off to begin my work at an embassy or consulate overseas. I quickly repeated all the medical tests, and once again, my white blood cell counts were off. I was referred to a hematologist for a bone marrow biopsy. Uninsured (I was working at a restaurant), and frightened, I delayed the test until after Christmas.

By the time all the tests had come back normal, I had dropped so far down on the eligible candidate list that my chances of actually getting an assigment had shrunk to nil. The battery of medical exams with questionable results (all tests came back normal in the end) and the extended amount of time it took to obtain a medical clearance was enough to sink that ship. I was crushed. Ever since I've been too timid to pursue challeging work. I've let that fear keep me in positions where I can skate by without much effort. I gave up.

Now, after several years of jobs that are unchallenging, uninteresting, and lead absolutely no where that I want to be, it's time to resuscitate my dream. I have almost 8 years of military experience now, a husband who can live and work anywhere in the world, some real-world work experience, and motivation to start living the life I am meant to live.

I trust that God has a plan. I trusted that God was sovereign in the midst of my medical mishaps. I sincerely believe that God gives us talents, skills, desires and dreams to fulfill his plan for our lives, and to glorify him by using those gifts to the best of our ability. If my only hurdle is the fear of being disappointed again, then it's time to jump it and move on.