Butterfly Effect

I've struggled the last few days to readjust and deal with the inevitable post-training let-down. Just like every time before, when I feel myself sinking into depression, I have to start making goals for myself and start working toward accomplishing them. I have to focus on the small steps, celebrate the small victories, and make small decisions everyday to become the person I want to be.

Just like running, life is cumulative. If I want to be a runner, I have to get up every day, tie on my shoes, and run. Every mile I run counts toward becoming a better, stronger runner. Every race I run is a learning experience for the next one. Every run is a testament to my character as a runner. With life, every day lived well counts toward becoming more like the person I want to be. Every day is a learning experience for tomorrow. Every day is a testament to my character.

While it might seem overwhelming to pin so much on each day, really by focusing on a single day, I alleviate a lot of the pressure on my future. I can't change the way I behaved yesterday, but I can learn from it. I can't predict what will happen tomorrow, but I can prepare for it with the lessons from yesterday. Today I can only do the best with what I have and trust that down the line it will have meteorological effects.

So today, I'm choosing to work hard in spite of the fact that I believe my current position is meaningless. I'm choosing to meet my trainees for a run, even though it's snowing. I'm making small decisions (not eating a third chocolate chip cookie), celebrating small victories (having saved enough money to cover one month's rent in my emergency fund), and taking small steps to accomplish a new goal (finding contact information for a potential new sponsor for the AIR Foundation). Maybe tomorrow I'll be motivated to take bigger steps; today this is the best I can do.