On the Mend

This last month I've been joyously and overwhelmingly busy. For a few weeks I was running two or three times a day, four or five days a week. I was in meetings before work, after work, during lunch, and on the weekends. I send out thousands of e-mails every week, reply to at least six dozen requests for information every week, field several phone calls a day, and make at least half-a-dozen calls myself, none of it for my actual bill-paying job.

When I fell last week and busted my knees I had a hard time swallowing the fact that I'll probably be off my legs for two weeks, and certainly not running for maybe three - then I'll have to take it easy after that. Not only does that put my personal training way behind, but my coaching/training with the AIR Foundation Team also has to change.

Usually on Sundays I swim for an hour before my long run with the Team. This week I didn't swim, I didn't run, I drove my car around while the guys ran their longest distance yet (2 hours) and poured cups of water, peeled bananas, and fed them Clif bars. I was happy to be part of the training even though I couldn't run (and, I admit, I wasn't too jealous of them running in the cold, snowy weather while I sat in my heated car and listened to Devotchka and Hello Kavita). I didn't really miss my 5:45 AM runs on Monday and Thursday, and I'm pretty sure I won't be too heartbroken when I sit on a wall and blow a whistle while the team runs laps at City Park tomorrow night. The real beautiful part of being "in recovery" is that for the first time since December, I had a night off last night. I didn't have anywhere to go or anyone to see. I didn't even reply to a single e-mail on my BlackBerry. Instead, I had dinner with the boyfriend and played a sweet game of poker, coming in fourth overall. This morning I slept until 8:30, no breakfast meetings, no e-mail alerts at 7 AM, no phone calls or text messages. I'm not saying that I want this slack in activity to become permanent. It's the fact that I've been so busy that makes these easy weeks so enjoyable.

I do hope that in the coming months I won't have to split my focus so much between job, volunteering, and personal life. I'm still hoping that by July I'll be able to work only part-time with D&D, and be getting something of a paycheck with The AIR Foundation. By October, I hope to be full-time with AIR. Fundraising is still slow, but we're seeing a boom of volunteer activity. I have to believe I'm doing something right. I also have to trust that God is in control of this as well.

Over the last few years here in Colorado I've really struggled with my career path, understanding where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to utilize my gifts, talents and interests in a meaningful way. I've struggled with major disappointment, mild depression and anxiety, and generally feeling stuck. For the first time since I moved here, I really feel like I've got a good thing going for myself, career wise. While I understand that non-profit work is volatile, especially in this market, I remind myself to "be strong and courageous." I trust that what I'm doing is good and right. It makes me happy, puts me at peace. Looking back, things haven't always (ever) made sense, but my vision is starting to clear a bit and I am beginning to, once again, move with purpose, move forward - well today it's more like a hobble, but it's still forward progress.