Compass Points

"Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction."
- Lewis Carrol, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Sometimes life takes you in an unexpected direction. For the last year or so I've worked and waited aimlessly for what I hoped would be my dream job, my big break, my easy street. So far, no progress. I was facing one direction, keeping on the blinders. Maybe it could be considered focus, but I really wasn't accomplishing anything. So, I decided to pick a new direction. Not completely new. I'm revisiting an old path: Law School. I toyed with the idea throughout college and put it aside because I didn't want to be an attorney. I decided to go to grad school instead. I kind of think the compass was pointing toward law school the whole time. In my first semester at KU I attended a lecture given by Gary Hagen, the president of International Justice Mission. I was inspired by the stories of lives transformed by the organization. I've been a supporter ever since. But I really want to do more.

My Dad is my sounding board for pretty much anything on my mind. He has great insights into my personality and decision-making processes and his words about my future ring clear in my mind as I think through my next step. He often reminds me that I am destined for great things. He reaffirms my own beliefs that God has designed and called me to accomplish deeds that will have eternal effects. He also reminds me that just because I see a need I do not need to fulfill it. I am a habitual over-achiever. I want to be everything to everyone. I sincerely enjoy giving of myself to others and I get the greatest satisfaction when I am a catalyst of others' success. Perhaps some people call this co-dependence or people-pleasing behavior. I admit I can fall victim to those unhealthy tendencies. For the most part though, I draw my boundaries and I know my limitations. I have learned that overextending myself only leads to destructive feelings of resentment and self-righteous martyrdom. When it comes to career decisions I must be aware of the fact that my decisions may be affected by these desires to meet some extroverted need.

What confuses me about my current circumstances is that joining the Foreign Service never appealed to my sense of obligation to the greater good. It was something I wanted for me, for the advancement of my career, and still fulfilled my desire to perform a public service. It seemed wholly selfish and not self-centered. It appeared to be a perfect opportunity for me to use my natural abilities while advancing my career. Now, over a year later, I am still waiting for someone to make a decision, somewhere that could affect my entire occupational future. It's like standing in a clearing waiting for someone to install a sign post.

With my decision to apply for Law School I am pulling the compass out of my pocket and moving out of the clearing. I have spent my entire life catching the opportunities thrown at me. I am a spiritual mystic, believing that God uses my surrounding universe to communicate his will in many ways. Honestly, I haven't had to work very hard to get where I am. Things have always come easily to me, and I have taken them as signs to take certain actions. Thus I've never had to practice perseverance. Perhaps now is my time to take the hard road, hack through some underbrush, and move toward my ultimate goal rather than just allow the path to open up before me.