Job Interview

Yesterday I went on a second interview for a "marketing" firm in Denver. The only reason I agreed to go on this observation/shadow day was because I believed it was really a marketing job for which they were hiring. Was I in for a surprise!

I arrived promptly at 11:30 looking very sharp in my black suit, ready to tackle the day and prove my worth to the company. I met the corporate trainer I would be following for the day and he questioned me about my previous job experience as we walked to his car. Once outside I met a new trainee on her first day who also accompanied us. The observation day begins as we take of in search of businesses. As we drive the trainer asks me questions about marketing, obviously trying to demonstrate that his knowledge and expertise are superior to my own. I let me believe he is right by responding with interested noises, "hmmm," "uh huh," "ohh." We drive around for about 15 minutes until we find a strip mall with three of our clients. We park, the trainer hands me two coupon books and we're off. We walk in to the first business, a Fantastic Sams. The trainer immediately begins his spiel, not to petition the business owner to participate in raising money to sponspor a local wheelchair basketball league, but to purchase a coupon book! As I listen I begin to realize that I am observing a high school fundraiser masked as "marketing" job. We walk in to nearly every business in the strip mall selling coupon books.

Around 2pm we break for lunch. Graciously, the trainer buys my sandwich and procedes to outline the business model, pay scale and promotional hierarchy, guaranteeing that I too can open my own marketing firm in just one year, making six digits and retire before I'm thirty. I'm thinking that I'm much closer to thirty than this kid, and I did not spend six years getting two degrees to sell coupon books. I made the mistake of mentioning that I am waiting on a government job that will send me overseas, and the trainer interjected several times that mangement/ownership of my own marketing firm is probably not where I'm headed in their company since I'm looking for somthing temporary.

After lunch we got back in the car and headed toward our next event: a "setup." We arrived at a local grocery store, unloaded a card table, a stack of coupon books, and headed toward the entrance. For the next few hours we harrassed people as they came out of the grocery store to purchase coupon books. After a few minutes the trainer called me from behind the concrete post that I was strategically placed behind (so as not to be in anyone's way), to get me to participate and ask me some more questions. He began with, "what's your favorite movie?"

"The Princess Bride." I replied.

"So you really like chick flicks, huh? You probably really liked The Devil Wears Prada. That was the only chick flick I really liked. You seem like an Anne Hathaway fan. So what's it about?"

I realized that he thought my favorite movie is Princess Diaries. Of course I began to correct him. "The Princess Bride. It's a classic action, adventure, comedy that came out in the late eighties with Billy Crystal, Andre the Giant, Robin Wright Penn, Carey Elwes."

"Who?" He looked at me, brow furrowed then quickly rushed to shove his coupon book in a woman's face as she attempted to avoid eye contact and lug her armload of groceries to her car.

"So, what's your favorite color?" he began his interrogation again.

"Red" I replied.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" I ask. "I just like it. It's bright, cheerful, pretty."

"You can't just like a color because it's pretty. Why do you like red?" he asked before he jumped in front of another wary grocery shopper. "So how 'bout your favorite animal?"

"I don't know, a giraffe" I answered, exasperated.

"Why?"

"They're tall and they eat leaves," I replied in that tone you all know so well.

"Oh come on, your favorite color and your favorite animal say a lot about you psychologically."

"Ohhh, so what's your favorite animal?" I asked, thinking, are we in first grade?

"A LION," he responded proudly.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why can't you tell me why you like lions but I have to give you reason why I like giraffes?" I'm annoyed with this little jerk by now.

"Because it would reveal the psychology behind my questions."

"Ohhhhh, okay, I see."

"So what's your favorite kind of music?"

"My favorite kind of music or my favorite musical group?" I asked, just to clarify.

"No, your favorite kind of music."

"I like eighties music I guess, it really depends on what I feel like listening to." I had just
finished a Cure marathon in my car that morning.

"Eighties music, huh? Like who?"

"Journey, The Cure, Bon Jovi, Pat Benatar."

"Who's that?"

At this point I am shocked. "What?"

"I've heard of Pat Benatar. Is that a guy or a girl?"

I couldn't help but laugh at this point, "a girl" I answered. "Were you even alive in the eighties?" Now granted I wasn't old enough to really enjoy classic eighties rock in its prime, but I remember the aftermath.

"No, I'm fifteen," he answered sarcastically, then darted off to pawn another coupon book. "I see how it is, I see exactly how it is, egggszackly."

I guess he couldn't come up with anymore psychologically revealing questions for me, so I called my dad and asked him to come pick me up. Let's face it, I wasn't going to get that third interview anyway, only people who like predatory animals are successful in the coupon book selling business.