That I Would Be Good

I think every woman wants to be wanted even at her worst. To be known and loved, not just loved but adored, when she is all those things she's told she's not supposed to be. It's interesting to me what society tells us we're supposed to be and what is acceptable behavior. Women are supposed to be so many different things: young, thin, smart (but not too smart), funny, successful (but not more than "him), independent (but not closed off), confident and self-assured (but never cocky), in control (but never controlling), kind, compassionate, courageous (but still in need of rescue), sexy (but not sexual), passionate (but not demanding). . . the list goes on. Why can't I be who I am and still be loved, even when I am who I'm not supposed to be?

I so often hear my girl friends talk about their fears in relating to men. Most commonly they express fear in being "too clingy" or scaring him away by becoming emotionally attached too quickly. I believe that you really have to be wise in protecting your heart and that there is infinite value in not giving too much away too quickly - physically and emotionally. Here's the problem to me: How can anyone expect to be physically involved with someone and not emotionally? Not only do I think it's impossible, but it's unhealthy. It's sick to be so disconnected from yourself that you can be with someone, even if it's under the pretenses of a casual encounter, that you either ignore, deny or rationalize away your emotional involvement. It's preposterous to expect a person to be able to compartmentalize their emotions from their physical being in such a way. So if a girl is afraid of being "too clingy" it sounds ridiculous to me. Why is it unacceptable for a girl to desire or even demand attention from a guy that she has been physically involved with? I have a hard time believing that any self-respecting woman could be with a guy and never expect anything from him. The entire culture of dating and female-male relationships is so unbalanced and unhealthy. I know beautiful, smart, successful women who are reduced to whiney, nervous, insecure girls because "he never called," and the guy brags about it to his friends and walks away feeling like a champ, zero responsibility. Maybe men don't respect women because women don't often demand respect. For some reason feeling loved is more important than being respected. So women bend over backwards, disrupt their lives and put everything else on hold to feel loved and men are not required to be a pursuer or even an equal participant. How do we correct this problem though? I'm starting by doing away with the notion that a girl can be "too clingy" after being involved with a guy. I'm demanding the attention and respect that I deserve before giving a part of myself to someone. I'm worth that and I'm waiting for a man who recognizes that and adores me even when I'm at my "worst."