The Path I Do Not Choose

I think everyone experiences that sense of loss for a certain something that "got away." Whether a person, a relationship, an opportunity, some choice we made along the excluded another possibility. That's life, right? Making the best choice at the time and moving forward in that direction.

This is a challenging concept for me. I love options and possibilities. I hate that often choosing one thing completely eliminates all other alternatives. I am quite good at adapting to and rising above my circumstances. Of course, I feel trapped at times, but I cope well and make the best of my situation, an eternal optimist. I don't easily give up on those alternatives that may no longer be available to me though. I continue to believe that everything I want is just within my reach.

The downside of this is that I can neglect the good things I already have because I'm so distracted working for the next best opportunity or pursuing yet another possibility. I get lost in all the many possibilities that I rarely complete one task to the best of my ability.

As I'm growing up I'm learning that this flaw has some dangerous consequences. Instead of focusing on the task at hand and powering through my instinct to weigh every option, I let things drift by the wayside until the last second, then I end up paying some penalty for my indecision or inaction. I procrastinate because I'm always waiting for something better to come along. Then I get stuck with a sub-par outcome because either my chance for something is gone or the circumstances have changed and I get stuck with just the left-overs.

One thing I would really like to see myself do is to take control of my situation, pursue things I really want. First, I guess, that requires that I DECIDE what it is I really want. I am beginning to understand that sometimes NOT making a decision is worse than making a bad one.

Back on (the) Track

I've let myself get derailed over the last couple months. Things just pile up and instead of dealing with them methodically and responsibly, I just stick them in a corner and let them ferment until I have the will to make time to address the problem. I get so overwhelmed that I'm paralyzed by the mere thought of checking my mail box because that will require me to pay attention to something likely unpleasant.

Of course, I've let my training get derailed this Spring as well. I like to tease Jim that he doesn't let me do anything I like to do anymore. Which is not true in the slightest. But I have had to make several changes as we integrate each other into our lives. For example, I have chosen to neglect my Tuesday evening runs so we can play poker at a neighborhood bar with a group of new (to me) friends. I really enjoy the game. It's a great time, good people, and something we both look forward to and make time for. However, instead of getting up early on Tuesday mornings to fit my run in, I've chosen to sleep late. And, instead of rearranging my training schedule so I fit my runs in on days when I have more time, I've chosen to go to the gym for a mediocre cardio session on the eliptical or stairclimber. Also, I was unable to join my Fast Forward team for the Spring training season, so that eliminated my Thursday evening and Saturday morning routines. I'm trying to make up for it by planning a couple runs a week with my other running buddies, but it's too easy to cancel, post-pone, or forget when things get busy (or I feel lazy).

All of this is going to change today. The Bolder Boulder is just under 6 weeks away (May 25), and I am determined to clock my best 10K time ever - 49:45 (8:00 miles). Armed with a training plan from Runner's World, I am hitting the track tonight to get in a nice dose of speed work to whip my legs back into shape. I really hope that by getting myself back into a good running routine, I can motivate myself to tackle some of the more serious problems I'm facing.