This month, this spring actually, has been so busy I've hardly had any time to myself. I can feel the effects of it too. I am TIRED. Plus, my apartment is a wreck, the laundry is piled up in every room, dirty dishes from the weekend are waiting to be scrubbed, Oliver hardly recognizes his own mommy any more. It's just been one thing after another for the last few weeks. If I'm not house sitting for a weekend, I'm on military orders. I like being busy, but a girl needs a break every once in a while.
It's a good busy though. I enjoy the things I'm doing right now. Life just feels good, productive, purposeful. My work situation is changing a little too - for the better. I'll still be with good ol' Dill and Dill, but instead of being mired in the monotony of liquor licensing, I'm going to start working with the litigation attorneys on a major case. I'm really excited about getting to do something different and learn a new aspect of the legal field. I don't doubt that it will still be mind numbingly boring, but at least it will be a different repetitive mental motion. I think it will involve primarily document management - there are already 35,000 pages of discovery - but it's an interesting case.
Wouldn't you figure too, that as soon as my current job becomes a little more interesting, a couple other opportunities pop up. Of course there are always military options, and I learned of a few good ones this past weekend. I'm not actively pursuing that route at the moment, but it's not out of the question. Also, I made a contact who has connections in the Governor's Office. I'll go after that with a little greater enthusiasm, but I still feel like I am where I'm supposed to be for now. I don't feel the freedom to leave yet. I've been here for little over a year, and I'm getting settled into the routine. I still enjoy working as a legal assistant in the afternoons and have a great working relationship with the attorney. I sincerely believe that working for him will render great possibilities in the future. Having a glowing recommendation on his letterhead will be an assett to any future job applications. The liquor licensing I can take or leave, and it looks like I may be leaving it shortly. So, things are good in the working world for me.
The other problem with being so busy, is that I've had to push my running schedule to the back burner. I logged some good miles in Seattle, and I've stuck to my Tuesday-Thursday workouts. But I've been absent from my group training runs on Saturdays, and on Mon-Wed-Fri I'm lucky to walk the mile in either direction to work. I think this has effected me mentally/emotionally as much as I've noticed a drop-off in my physical fitness level. I also really wanted to start swimming this winter, and get back into my routine Yoga practice - but neither of those have seemed feasible, even on the loosest days. I think the solution here is to discipline myself to get my booty out of bed in the morning and just do it first thing. I'd rather spend my time in the evenings in other ways these days.
Also, another little change, I've pretty much gone completely vegetarian. With my aversion to dairy products, I'm only eggs, goat cheese and yogurt away from Veganism. Really, though I'm not so strict about it all. If someone prepares me a meal with meat, I'm not going to turn up my nose. I'm just not purchasing animal products (aside from the three listed) for myself, nor ordering them when I eat out. I recently read Food Matters and it really made sense. So, I've filled my evenings trying new vegetarian recipes (for two).
So I have a lot going on these days. I'm happy though. Things are good; really good. In a nice, secure way too - no uncertainty about where all these blessings are coming from either. I feel like I'm where I should be, doing what I'm meant to be doing. Can't get any better than that.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Itinerary
Today I'm headed to Seattle for a weekend of Army training. I've been looking forward to the trip for a couple weeks now, but the preparation has been one lay-over after another. I spent a good 6 hours on the phone in the last two days trying to finalize flight plans, make hotel reservations, arrange a shuttle from the airport, etc. From the beginning it's been a mess, all culminating with my current status of sitting in the Denver airport waiting to board a late flight. Hurry up and wait; it's the Army way! I have another trip in a couple weeks. Now that I know the ropes, I'm hoping for a smoother experience. It's all worked out okay though. I am pretty disappointed that I won't have the afternoon to explore Seattle on foot (running of course). Instead I get to hang out in Concourse B for 3 hours. I'm hoping to catch a couple free hours on Sunday, and I'm still planning on hitting up a local bar or two in search of the live music for which Seattle is famous.
I've been looking forward to this little vacation/trip for other reasons than just going some place new. I really wanted to take a couple days away, by myself, to clear my head and get a better perspective on my broader itinerary. I'm a planner in many ways; not in the scheduled, calendared, time conscientious way that most people equate with the term 'planner.' I just like to develop a picture in my head of where I'm going, what I'm doing, and planning other things around that. I'm mostly concerned with missed opportunities. I've learned that if I don't put the important things down on paper and keep my goals in mind, I end up not getting to do all the things I really want to do. So when my picture changes, I can be very flexible, but I really need the time to re-envision my future; reevaluate my plans and priorities. I enjoy being spontaneous but some things require a little more forethought.
A weekend in a new city seemed just the right chance to take a step back, and get a more objective view on the most recent developments in my life. Of course, if you've been reading this year, you must have realized to what I am referring.
My relationship status and thus personal life has drastically changed, for the better, in the first three weeks of 2009. It's getting pretty serious pretty quickly. I don't think either of us have any intention of getting out of this anytime soon. That's the thing, relationships can be really easy when the involved parties are on the same page. It just feels good, right, the way a relationship should feel. I don't expect it to be all rainbows and butterflies either. I'm realistic enough to know that relationships always hit speed bumps, but I'm also enough of a romantic to know that sometimes these things just work.
In addition to getting some Hooah training this weekend, I plan on using my time away to look at my plan again; see how this all fits into what I really want out of my life. And spend some time talking with the Big Guy to try and determine how this fits into His plan for my life. I don't sense the red light on this as I have with previous relationships. I'm not forcing it. I don't feel any desperation as though I know I'm wanting something I can't have or that's not intended for me. I think THAT is the real difference in this case. At the risk of taking this over the top way too soon, I feel like this is right. I'm trying to be really careful not to assume too much right off the bat here. But just because it may be all too fast by some standards, this works for me. I've always known that when the right person came along it would be fast and furious. Again, I don't want to imply that there's more going on than there is, but I think there is great potential.
Just like my flight plans today, sometimes the itinerary changes. I've always been one to adjust my course of action when required. I'll turn this fork in the road into a new adventure, see where it goes and enjoy the journey.
I've been looking forward to this little vacation/trip for other reasons than just going some place new. I really wanted to take a couple days away, by myself, to clear my head and get a better perspective on my broader itinerary. I'm a planner in many ways; not in the scheduled, calendared, time conscientious way that most people equate with the term 'planner.' I just like to develop a picture in my head of where I'm going, what I'm doing, and planning other things around that. I'm mostly concerned with missed opportunities. I've learned that if I don't put the important things down on paper and keep my goals in mind, I end up not getting to do all the things I really want to do. So when my picture changes, I can be very flexible, but I really need the time to re-envision my future; reevaluate my plans and priorities. I enjoy being spontaneous but some things require a little more forethought.
A weekend in a new city seemed just the right chance to take a step back, and get a more objective view on the most recent developments in my life. Of course, if you've been reading this year, you must have realized to what I am referring.
My relationship status and thus personal life has drastically changed, for the better, in the first three weeks of 2009. It's getting pretty serious pretty quickly. I don't think either of us have any intention of getting out of this anytime soon. That's the thing, relationships can be really easy when the involved parties are on the same page. It just feels good, right, the way a relationship should feel. I don't expect it to be all rainbows and butterflies either. I'm realistic enough to know that relationships always hit speed bumps, but I'm also enough of a romantic to know that sometimes these things just work.
In addition to getting some Hooah training this weekend, I plan on using my time away to look at my plan again; see how this all fits into what I really want out of my life. And spend some time talking with the Big Guy to try and determine how this fits into His plan for my life. I don't sense the red light on this as I have with previous relationships. I'm not forcing it. I don't feel any desperation as though I know I'm wanting something I can't have or that's not intended for me. I think THAT is the real difference in this case. At the risk of taking this over the top way too soon, I feel like this is right. I'm trying to be really careful not to assume too much right off the bat here. But just because it may be all too fast by some standards, this works for me. I've always known that when the right person came along it would be fast and furious. Again, I don't want to imply that there's more going on than there is, but I think there is great potential.
Just like my flight plans today, sometimes the itinerary changes. I've always been one to adjust my course of action when required. I'll turn this fork in the road into a new adventure, see where it goes and enjoy the journey.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Democracy
A crucial requirement in creating and consolidating a successful, stable democracy is that it must be indigenous. Meaning, it must be desired, designed, and driven by the people over which it will govern. Democracy can't be transplanted or dictated by an outside power. The most successful governments are those that are designed to serve and meet the needs of it citizenry. Similarly, the citizens must be committed to serving their democracy. If the people don't trust their government system or don't believe that it fulfills the purpose a government is created to serve, the system will collapse. It's a delicate balance that requires effort from all parties involved.
On the other hand, democracy is not necessarily an "organic" or natural occurrence that just falls in to place. While it has to happen from the ground up, it requires attention and determination; commitment and, often, compromise.
On the verge of the initiation of the next President of the United States, I've been thinking about what it takes for these complex social and political systems to succeed. At this point, you're probably beginning to think that this post belongs on my political musings site rather than my personal musings site. But at the risk of sounding cheesy, I really like the metaphor of building a democracy for building relationships. Relationships, like democracies, are volatile. They require the same determination and commitment for consolidation, and a certain amount of luck. Democracies, like relationships are about balancing conflicting viewpoints, prioritizing values, making compromises, and developing a trust between parties that allow them to operate relatively harmoniously within a shared proximity. Of course, the crucial difference between democracies and relationships is that when a relationship no longer functions as it should, the involved parties can walk away, especially in the beginning stages; in a democracy, it's not that simple.
Really, nothing is that simple though. The thing about relationships, interpersonal or socio-political, is that they are real. They are not a game. While we like to believe there are rules, both in politics and dating, few things are hard-and-fast. We have to be creative, flexible, and always, always gracious. This is life. How we interact individually, or on a grander scale as society, have consequences that echo farther than we can initially imagine.
On the other hand, democracy is not necessarily an "organic" or natural occurrence that just falls in to place. While it has to happen from the ground up, it requires attention and determination; commitment and, often, compromise.
On the verge of the initiation of the next President of the United States, I've been thinking about what it takes for these complex social and political systems to succeed. At this point, you're probably beginning to think that this post belongs on my political musings site rather than my personal musings site. But at the risk of sounding cheesy, I really like the metaphor of building a democracy for building relationships. Relationships, like democracies, are volatile. They require the same determination and commitment for consolidation, and a certain amount of luck. Democracies, like relationships are about balancing conflicting viewpoints, prioritizing values, making compromises, and developing a trust between parties that allow them to operate relatively harmoniously within a shared proximity. Of course, the crucial difference between democracies and relationships is that when a relationship no longer functions as it should, the involved parties can walk away, especially in the beginning stages; in a democracy, it's not that simple.
Really, nothing is that simple though. The thing about relationships, interpersonal or socio-political, is that they are real. They are not a game. While we like to believe there are rules, both in politics and dating, few things are hard-and-fast. We have to be creative, flexible, and always, always gracious. This is life. How we interact individually, or on a grander scale as society, have consequences that echo farther than we can initially imagine.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Bizarro Kelly
The last week has brought about a strange turn of events. I'm suddenly in a relationship that I could not have expected any less. The even stranger thing is that I'm perfectly at ease with it all. I've seen him almost every day since Friday, and I'm not irritated or feeling smothered. The real trick is going to be not over-thinking this one or talking myself out of it. I'm really determined to just take things one day at a time and let whatever happens, happen.
My friend Nicole laughs at me almost everyday now. She asks, "how's your man?" I just smile and say "good, really good, actually."
Oh, and I met his family. It wasn't awkward in the least. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and am looking forward to the next gathering. He'll get his chance to "walk the minefield," this weekend when my sister plays at a club downtown.
My friend Nicole laughs at me almost everyday now. She asks, "how's your man?" I just smile and say "good, really good, actually."
Oh, and I met his family. It wasn't awkward in the least. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and am looking forward to the next gathering. He'll get his chance to "walk the minefield," this weekend when my sister plays at a club downtown.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Crazy As Me?
I recently started seeing a guy who has really taken me by surprise over the last few days. He's a friend of a friend and we met several months ago. We went on our first "date" just before the Las Vegas Marathon. It was likely the best first date ever. We discovered many similar interests; we read the same books, enjoy the same films, cook the same foods, share a love of languages, have severely itchy feet, and the conversation never lulled. While I enjoyed his company, I wasn't especially attracted to him. He's not the tall, dark and handsome type toward which I usually gravitate. I agreed to a second date, because there wasn't any real reason not to, besides, I rarely find men who hold my interest for an entire evening. So now I've seen him a few times, and it just feels easy, good. Not just because he has nice manners and follows the typical rules of dating, but more because I don't have to try to come up with things to talk about, or try to modify my normal behavior to fulfill some expectation I think he might have.
Perhaps it's precisely BECAUSE I'm not especially attracted to him, physically, that it's easy to just be myself? At first, I didn't care what he thought about me, so I felt free to say what was on my mind and talk about my experiences, honestly; no candy coating, no elaborations. I had no reason to try and impress him. I certainly wasn't nervous. Also, I think it really makes a difference that we had initially gotten to know each other in casual group settings among mutual friends.
The surprising thing is he really wants to do things with me. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, I AM really fun. The other day he started talking about touring South America for a couple months, with me as a traveling companion. I was a bit taken aback. You know by now that I love traveling, and I especially enjoy South America. So to find a potential traveling buddy is really exciting. My first reaction was "let's buy tickets tomorrow!" A couple days later, I feel compelled to slam on the brakes and retract my initial enthusiastic agreement to such a plan. While the idea thrills me, it's hard for me to trust this guy enough to actually believe that he wants to follow through on this. I really don't want to get too excited about all this until I know he's earnest in his intentions with me. He has mentioned it a couple times since, so I know it wasn't just a drunken, "hey let's do something crazy" idea that no one would actually discuss when sober.
Then the other day, I said, "if we don't make it to South America this year, how about a backpacking trip to the Grand Canyon?" He replied with an enthusiastic "yes!" I made reservations with the Park yesterday. It's really fun finding someone who wants to be with me, even if it involves traveling. And I figure if this doesn't work out or go anywhere, I still have a camping reservation far enough in advance to find a replacement travel companion.
Also, he wants to start running with me, and go to Museums, bookstores, coffee shops, play Scrabble. It feels strange. Even stranger still, I'm not freaking out about the fact that he wants to spend a lot of time with me. Previously, two phone calls in three days was reason to believe "he" was getting too attached too quickly. And seeing the same guy twice in one week was almost unthinkable. However, I did go out last night, see some old friends, and it felt good to reassert the fact, to myself, that I certainly have a life of my own. When I got home, he came over to watch a movie, and I didn't mind at all. When he left, I was ready for him to go.
The other surprise has been that he isn't trying to get into my pants right off the bat. I'm so used to being the "wait" person in my dating relationships. When I asked him if he wanted to come up to my apartment for a little while after a date and he said, "okay, but can we wait on the sex stuff?" I was surprised that he believed that was my intention as much as I was surprised that he wasn't already hot on my tail.
Could it actually be possible that I found someone who is as crazy as I am? Someone worth keeping around for longer than a few weeks? Someone who wants to invest time in me? I'm not convinced yet. But I do know when he says "I'll call you tomorrow," he's not lying, and it doesn't make me cringe, pant for oxygen, or feel like the walls are closing in on me. That's a start.
Perhaps it's precisely BECAUSE I'm not especially attracted to him, physically, that it's easy to just be myself? At first, I didn't care what he thought about me, so I felt free to say what was on my mind and talk about my experiences, honestly; no candy coating, no elaborations. I had no reason to try and impress him. I certainly wasn't nervous. Also, I think it really makes a difference that we had initially gotten to know each other in casual group settings among mutual friends.
The surprising thing is he really wants to do things with me. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, I AM really fun. The other day he started talking about touring South America for a couple months, with me as a traveling companion. I was a bit taken aback. You know by now that I love traveling, and I especially enjoy South America. So to find a potential traveling buddy is really exciting. My first reaction was "let's buy tickets tomorrow!" A couple days later, I feel compelled to slam on the brakes and retract my initial enthusiastic agreement to such a plan. While the idea thrills me, it's hard for me to trust this guy enough to actually believe that he wants to follow through on this. I really don't want to get too excited about all this until I know he's earnest in his intentions with me. He has mentioned it a couple times since, so I know it wasn't just a drunken, "hey let's do something crazy" idea that no one would actually discuss when sober.
Then the other day, I said, "if we don't make it to South America this year, how about a backpacking trip to the Grand Canyon?" He replied with an enthusiastic "yes!" I made reservations with the Park yesterday. It's really fun finding someone who wants to be with me, even if it involves traveling. And I figure if this doesn't work out or go anywhere, I still have a camping reservation far enough in advance to find a replacement travel companion.
Also, he wants to start running with me, and go to Museums, bookstores, coffee shops, play Scrabble. It feels strange. Even stranger still, I'm not freaking out about the fact that he wants to spend a lot of time with me. Previously, two phone calls in three days was reason to believe "he" was getting too attached too quickly. And seeing the same guy twice in one week was almost unthinkable. However, I did go out last night, see some old friends, and it felt good to reassert the fact, to myself, that I certainly have a life of my own. When I got home, he came over to watch a movie, and I didn't mind at all. When he left, I was ready for him to go.
The other surprise has been that he isn't trying to get into my pants right off the bat. I'm so used to being the "wait" person in my dating relationships. When I asked him if he wanted to come up to my apartment for a little while after a date and he said, "okay, but can we wait on the sex stuff?" I was surprised that he believed that was my intention as much as I was surprised that he wasn't already hot on my tail.
Could it actually be possible that I found someone who is as crazy as I am? Someone worth keeping around for longer than a few weeks? Someone who wants to invest time in me? I'm not convinced yet. But I do know when he says "I'll call you tomorrow," he's not lying, and it doesn't make me cringe, pant for oxygen, or feel like the walls are closing in on me. That's a start.
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