Finding Passion for What I Do

It's a common idea that you're supposed to do what you're passionate about. I also think it's pretty common to be passionate about lots of things that could never fit into one job description. If I could make up my own job, I would travel around the world talking to people about important social issues and determining the best solutions while white water rafting, and climbing mountains, and then write books about it. Of course, I would be leading these expeditions into the wilderness, and I wouldn't have to pay for any of it, but I would like a salary, and health benefits. I've been looking for an opening doing this, but I just haven't had any luck. Can you believe, no offers for a "gum-shoe political theorist to lead outdoor excursions with major world leaders?"

I have resolved thus (though the job search continues), to be find something that I really enjoy about my current situation, and any situation I find myself in. For example, right now, I am graduate student. I've been in school for what feels like forever. Though I shouldn't really complain because their are Doctoral candidates in my department who have been around since I was in middle school, and I'm only a Masters student. But I've been in school for a long time. I've developed "senioritis" of sorts, because I'm graduating this May, but I'm not a Senior, and I'm just so ready to be done with papers and text books and exams working late into the night, and throughout the weekend. I want an 8-5 where I get up, meet a foreign dignatary, head into the hills, hike until dusk, and have serious, interesting conversations, then meet a car, go home, and get up the next morning, fly to another country and do it again. Even if that's just a pipe dream, I really would like to have an 8-5 working in a high-energy environment on something that I think is important.

I saw a funny little cartoon on a friend's refridgerator that depicts a middle-age man interviewing for a job. The caption says something along the lines of "I want a position where I can slowly lose sight of what I originally set out to do, with benefits." Cute. I hope I never get there. I want to always have a future goal and a vision for where I'm heading, and a good memory for where I've been and what I wanted to accomplish.

That doesn't have to start when I enter the "real world" though. I think I can start developing that mindset now. It's just difficult without a clear view on how the career world really works. It's not that I've never had a job. I've worked since I was 17. I've just never had a "real" job, a career, with a salary. But maybe I'm thinking about it all wrong. I don't have to be in a career to start doing what I want to do. So what if I can't mix and mingle with political pundits. I can be learning and preparing myself now for when I do. I can be forming my ideas and opinions, and learning the basis for why I think the way I do. Am I just realizing the point of a college education? Maybe I haven't been in school long enough!

Anyway, the point is that I am discovering those things that I love about what am doing right now. I really love being a teaching assistant. I have my classes where I can talk about practically anything I want for 50 minutes, four days a week. I enjoy the students, getting to know them, hearing their opinions, discussing issues, and explaining ideas. I enjoy the other grad students. I know of few other work environments where I am surrounded by people who are so interested in learning, and about learning something that I too am interested in. While we may have our disagreements, we respect each other's opinions, because we respect each other and our research. I love that I am surrounded by people who are still very much idealists, and yet, are grounded in what they understand and expect from the world and from other people. I love going to a class where the topic is so interesting and we have all read the same material and can offer insights into its meaining and application. So, this Spring, I am determined to forget the fact that I am ready for change, and just be passionate about this opportunity I have to learn and to teach.

Rattle & Hum

If you don't love U2 as much as I do (and I LOVE U2), watch Rattle & Hum. It follows them through the U.S. on their Joshua Tree Tour in 1988. Though the long hair, stirrup pants (with suspenders), Debbie Gibson hats, and patterned vests with fringe might make you doubt their greatness for just a second, you'll be gripped by the power and soul of their music. My favorite part is when they visit a church in Harlem. There was a gospel church that had covered their song, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," and the band decided to record with the choir. When the choir joins in on the first chorus, I got chills all over. It was the most beautiful music I have ever heard (forgive me Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, and Chopin!). I think that's what Heaven will sound like. I'm convinced that when I see Jesus for the first time, and I run into His arms, Bono, Edge, Adam, and Larry will be playing "Where the Streets Have No Name."

What I really love about U2 is their earnest effort to confront important issues of our time. They have been talking about some of these issues longer than most of our major American political leaders. In 1988, Bono was discussing the problem of terrorism . Their song, "Mothers of the Disappeared," brought the struggle of Argentine mothers against their repressive government to the international public eye. Now, their social activism continues. Bono has become somewhat of a disciple of Jeffery Sachs in the last five years and wrote the forward to arguably the most important book written in this century thus far, The End of Poverty. In Rattle and Hum, Adam makes the comment, "some people don't think you should mix politics and music, or religion and music, but I think that's bull shit." Ever since the first note was sung at the earth's creation, music has been purposed to relate a message. While the message of most music made today is "make money," "buy more stuff," "have sex," "look at me," etc., U2 stands out as a band that really has something important and meaningful to say. I don't believe even for a second that it's all about creating an image of a humanitarian to sell more CDs either. Just watch the DVD and you'll see what I mean.

I think the real problem with the Church today, and even with Christians in general is their lack of concern for or motivation to confront the real problems people face on a daily basis. Jesus commanded us to care for the oppressed, the poor, the widows and the orphans. I know of only a few groups that are really doing that. I've posted links to the websites of those organizations that I think are making a concerted effort to obey that command. I hope you'll check them out. Of course, the One Campaign link is also included.

www.one.org - Some people may criticize this plan for being unrealistic or simply throwing American tax money at the problems, but understanding the structural conditions of global poverty and realizing that we live in a globalized world helps put this initiative in context.
www.sojo.net - publishers of Sojourner's magazine, a publication that discusses "politics, religion, and culture."
www.ijm.org - one of the most important legal organizations in the world, in my opinion. They use the legal systems in countries around the world to free people from forced prostitution, slavery, and police corruption.
www.compassion.com - I get tired of seeing commercials that guilt you into sponsoring a child in poverty, but this non-profit is the real deal.
www.bread.org - Bread for the World "seeking justice. ending hunger."

If you know of other Christian organizations that are pursuing solutions to these problems, I'd love to hear about them.

Don't Waste Your Life

I'm reading John Piper's book, Don't Waste Your Life between classes today. So far, I'm only on Chapter 2, and starting to really enjoy it. Here are some of my favorite passages from this section.

"Enjoying God supremely is one way to glorify Him. Enjoying God makes Him look supremely valuable" (p 28).

"Delighting God is not a mere preference or option in life, it is our joyful duty and should be the single passion of our lives" (30).

"God created me to live with a single, all-embracing, all-transforming passion, a passion to glorify God by enjoying and displaying his supreme excellence in all spheres of life. . . If we try to display the excellence of God without joy in it, we will display a shell of hypocrisy and create scorn or legalism. But if we claim to enjoy his excellence and do not display it for others to see and admire we deceive ourselves, because the mark of God - enthralled joy is to overflow and expand by extending itself into the hearts of others" (31).

"We waste our lives when we do not pray and think and dream and plan and work toward magnifying God in all spheres of life" (32).

I think I have often separated happiness from God's will. It's like they're mutually exclusive in some way. I often act and plan as if there are two possibilities, I can be happy, or I can follow God. From what Piper is saying here is that they are really one in the same. How could I be truly happy though going against God's will? He created me. In Psalm 139, David writes "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb . . . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." God knows, better than I, what will make me happy. He knows what my future holds and how to best get me to where I need to be. He created my interests and talents, my neural pathways that make up my thoughts. He put me in a specific family in a specific point in time and knows every aspect of my development and growth. Not only that, but he deeply cares for me and wants to have a relationship with me. And He wants me to know him and enjoy him. Isaiah calls him King of Kings, Lord of Lords. Jesus says that he came to bring life, and bring it abundantly. Jesus uses the illustration that just as a father wouldn't give his child a stone if the child asked for bread or a snake if the child asked for a fish. How much more will your heavenly father give to you if you ask? God, who possesses all power and all created things in heaven and earth, who is a God of love and mercy, wants to lavish himself on us. What an amazing idea! What else could make happy? Who/what else could possibly be worth magnifying more than God?

First Classes

Classes started again yesterday. I think they take everyone off guard. I even overheard a few professors joking that they never expect classes to start even though it's been on the calendar for months. I guess after a month of laying around in front of the TV, eating turkey and sweet potatoes really wears on you.

I love the first week of class. I love meeting new people, getting new syllabi, buying new books. In fact, I love buying new books so much that when I had a book scholarship at FSU, I would wander around the book store and just pick up books from random classes that looked interesting and buy those too. One of roomates was complaining one night about how the bookstore was out a particular text she needed for class the next day. It was fresh on my shelf amongst my own purchases from a few days before. So, if the bookstore doesn't have what you need, it's probably on my shelf. Now that I no longer have a book scholarship though, I kind of dread that process. Grad students do not get off any cheaper in the book department than eveyone else. In fact, in addition to all the books, now I have to buy course packs that weigh more than I do and cost a month's salary.

Last semester I decided to go paperless. I look like a big nerd in class with my laptop. I'm THAT GIRL who carries her computer around and takes notes. At first I had to get over the temptation to play solitaire the whole time. But, seriously, it's so much cheaper to just access all the articles through J-stor. And if I type my notes I can easily organize them in neat little folders in "My Documents" according to class, date, and topic. Handwritten notes, rather, usually end up in miscellaneous piles spread out on the floor in my room, the dining room table, the coffee table in the living room, the desk in my office, the shelf in my office from last year, and sometimes, even in file boxes in the basement. Not that I'm disorganized, I just remember where things are by where I saw them last. If I move into some color-coded, chronological filing system, it just wouldn't work as well. Besides, who wants to spend the time doing that? Not me!

The other thing I love about the first week of classes is when professors ask students to introduce themselves to the class. That's really the only time I get a little sneak peek into who my class-mates are before they have to enter into "A" earning mode. Sure, professors say they encourage new opinions and view points, but really, doesn't everyone just try to say the "right" thing. There's nothing right or wrong about your name, year in school, major, and where you're from. I really like it when they ask students to share something interesting about themselves like, favorite movie, or favorite ice cream flavor, or pizza topping. I wonder what would happen if professors starting asking more difficult questions like, "in your opinion, what impact is Condileeza Rice have on US relations with China?" or "what is the single most important thing for you to accomplish this semester?" Last semester, I asked students what they wanted to get out of the class. They didn't have a clue. Maybe hard questions are better left until students' brains are warmed up.

Myths, Allegories, Fairy Tales, and Truth

I love stories. I love to read stories, watch stories, but most of all, I love to hear stories. Growing up, my favorite times were when my Mom or Dad would let me snuggle up onto their bed and read The Chronicles of Narnia, The Best Christmas Pagent Ever, Little House on the Prarie, Evangeline, or Pilgrim's Progress. Family vacations were another time when Dad would pull out a book like Hank the Cowdog to read around the campfire. Those are classic memories for me.

My love for stories is not limited to nostalgia, though. Stories have transformative power that provide insight into some of life's most difficult obstacles. While I've never entered another world through a wardrobe, or survived long winters in a log cabin without running water or electricity, these experiences as detailed in stories, can be strikingly parallel to my own journey.

I just finished reading Waking the Dead. I love how John Eldridge uses the Truths found in classic fairy tales to illustrate three main points: "Things are not what they seem," "this is a world at war," and "you have a crucial role to play." How badly I want to believe those things! There has to be more going on here than meets the eye. I often feel like days are a constant battle. The idea that I am just another girl with hopes and dreams but no predestined plan or purpose is just depressing. I am convinced of these truths, and I have experienced them through stories. Not to say that I think fairy tales are based on true events or that mythologies about Greek gods and goddesses are non-fiction. To some degreee, however, I think that the reason people write these stories and the reason that we (the audience) are so captivated by them is because we know, deep down, that there are elements of hidden Truth in all of them.

That third point, that I "have a crucial role to play" in this world, is the most appealing to me and the most frightening in some ways. Nelson Mandela, as quoted in Waking the Dead, stated that our greatest fear is not that we are worthless, but that we are powerful beyond our wildest dreams. The idea that I have a crucial and unique purpose brings with it a deep sense of responsibility. What if I miss my chance? What if I miss my opportunity to do my job? What if I take on my task and fail? Even worse, what if I perform my duties well, and have to take on more responsibilities than I ever wanted? Maybe that's selfish. I guess, in a way, this whole discussion is. The point of John Eldridge's book is not to encourage people to dream big dreams of power, fame and wealth, but to convince people that finding life's purpose and seeking truth begins with engaging your heart with the Lord. Christians so often believe that the heart is evil, fickle, irrational, and deceitful. But the Bible says to "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." When Christ died for me to save me from my sins a give me eternal life, he gave me a new heart and a new life. My actions reflect what I believe with my heart, so I should protect it, fight for it, take care of it. How do I do that? I've often heard that verse, but I'm not really sure how to follow those instructions. My Mom told me to guard my heart in regards to a dangerous boyfriend, warning me not to fall in love with him. There's more to it than that, I think. I don't think that guarding my heart means hiding it behind a wall or burying it, refusing to love or care - that's not living at all. So what is this all about?